Family War
by Eve Loryn
Summary: Peeta wants a family. Katniss does not. This is a war. Their personal war. This time, family is once again at the center, but will their family survive the battles that each is going through and the war of the bigger picture or will this prove to be the breaking point for the star crossed lovers?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Damn it, Katniss! when are you going to realize that we are safe, the world is safe? You saw to that. Now stop using that excuse." Peeta angrily shouted. He stalked out of the bedroom and down the stairs.

Katniss quickly overcame her shock at Peeta's outburst and just as angrily followed him.

"It's not an excuse, Peeta! It's how I feel."

"I don't believe that. Just tell me for once, give me a straight answer! Not some bull shit you tell yourself."

Peeta stood by the table where their dinner dishes sat forgotten.

"The games..."

"No, I'm tired of that! Tell me a real reason, Katniss!" Peeta roared.

Katniss took a step closer to him, tears forming in her eyes. She had never felt so scared by Peeta before. She stood in a defensive stance. She hoped this arguing wouldn't bring on an episode.

"Peeta, because I can't, not... the games, they,"

"No! Damn you, stop fishing for something and for once in your life say what you mean!" Peeta balled his fists and was poised to advance his body weight suddenly in her direction.

"Peeta!" Katniss pleaded, the tears now falling without mercy.

"TELL ME!"

"Ahhhh," Katniss screamed in frustration, "because I don't wan to have kids with you! Okay? Just because I don't." Katniss instantly felt the rawness of her throat from her recent proclamations.

In that moment Katniss retreated afraid for her life and regretting her word choice, but before she could fix anything, Peeta screamed a deep yell and it broke her heart to hear such a sound coming from the deepest, saddest part of Peeta.

He swung around and swiped all of the dishes off the table sending them flying across the floor where several plates and glasses broke. A piece caught Katniss' neck leaving a bleeding, but non life threatening wound. Peeta grabbed his jacket and stormed out.

Katniss held her palm over her wound and watched as Peeta walked away from the house. she wanted nothing more than to sit and cry, but she wasn't that person anymore.

After the war, it took several years to become her own person once again. It took hard work, tears and blood. It took a lot of her own willingness and Peeta's influence to have her living any semblance of a normal life. Peeta's recovery was happening at the same time hers was. In that first year they only saw each other a handful of times. There were days where he would help Katniss, days where she would help him and many days where they dare not go near each other.

Three years after the war they had made significant progress and developed a strong friendship. More and more of Peeta's memories were becoming more solid and Katniss finally made a healthy level of peace with her involvement in the war. By their fourth year, post-war, Katniss found herself having romantic feelings towards Peeta. He had made no move or shown any indication that he still held those kinds of feelings for her; he dare not, for he thought her happy with their friendship. The day that changed, Peeta had bought a radio and was dancing around Katniss' living room with his clumsy feet. Katniss stood away from him laughing, but Peeta would have none of it. He grabbed her hand and soon enough had her dancing around in his silly antics with him. They carried on that way laughing and dancing when Katniss wrapped her arms around his neck laughing and her person filling with emotion. When Peeta had hugged her in response, she pulled away enough to look at him and with her feelings overwhelming her she kissed him.

In the beginning, their relationship was clumsy and at times confusing, but almost three years later they were married and only four years into the marriage, Peeta had been steadily asking for kids. The scene that just happened is the most intense those particular conversations have ever gotten.

Katniss could feel the blood slowly start to make its way down her arm. She turned away from the window, puzzle stepped around the broken pieces of glass and made her way down the hallway to find the first aid supplies. When she caught her reflection in the mirror, Katniss sighed. She felt like a small child who had just gotten scolded for doing something bad, however, her reflection contradicted her feelings. Katniss scowled at the woman who dared to appear five years older than her original.

Pulling open the mirror door she found the supplies she needed making a mental note to order more of everything. With her daily trips into the woods and Peeta's baking injuries they seemed to run through the medical supplies fairly quickly. After everything was lined up on the counter, Katniss removed her palm from her wound. It felt worse than it looked, the steady stream of blood brought up ghosts from the past that Katniss did not have the energy for. She quickly turned off her emotions from those times and proceeded to clean and dress the gash.

Part of her recover was to face each memory as they happened and come to terms with her past. Katniss took the first year after the war to accept Dr. Arelius' therapy methods and as a result refused to participate in her own recover which is the main reason why it took so long. Once she gave into the treatment, once she let go and faced her problems the treatments had immediate results. Even though it had been several years since she had to resort to her treatment strategies, Katniss couldn't ignore the memories she had pushed away while she was cleaning the blood off of her neck. If she moved passed it without addressing the issues and moved on to cleaning up the living room and with the rest of her day those memories and problems she had with them would come knocking again at the most inopportune moment.

So, she went into Peeta's craft room where he kept all of his paintings. Most of them were snapshots from the games and the war. A small amount were from the years they battled for their lives in recovery. Recently, in the past three years or so, he had begun painting scenes from their life together: the first time Katniss had kissed him, random happy moments, such as, their wedding and many scenes from Peeta's childhood.

It was the games and the war paintings that Katniss was after. She shifted through them hoping to find the ones that portrayed, even slightly, the memories that had surfaced earlier. She found a few that touched on her memories, but no exactly. It was enough. She pulled them out and gently and placed them on the painting easels.

Katniss sat in Peeta's chair, closed her eyes and tried to turn back on the memories and the feelings she had turned off in the bathroom. when she opened them tears were already making their escape. She gazed at the pictures selfishly letting the memories replay themselves and the voices take a life of their own.

When her tears subsided and the shaking stopped Katniss found that she had spent a little over two hours in her starting position. She put the paintings back in their places and found that she felt incredibly better on the matter of her flashbacks. Upon seeing the state of the living room her heart sank back to the bottom. Katniss felt so angered at herself for letting the conversation with Peeta get so out of hand and for what she had said to Peeta. He hadn't had one of his episodes in a long time, but she knew her words set him off. Peeta, the Peeta she married, never would have trashed the living room with the contents of the dinning room if he had been simply angry, but the Peeta the Capitol had created would have and she was the one who drove Peeta to lose himself.

"_I don't want to have kids with you! I just don't!" _Katniss was picking up the last shards of the glass when her own words echoes around her mind coming back to haunt her heart causing her to split her attention leaving her with a bloody finger. She sighed, angry with herself once more, but glad that this round of blood did not bring back more unwanted memories. She finished trashing the broken dishes and went to bandage her finger.

As she was running her finger under warm water, Peeta showed up in the bathroom doorway. Katniss looked up at his presence, but quickly adverted her gaze and put her attention back to her finger, not because the cut required her full attention, but because she did not know how to face Peeta. Peeta's hand lightly touching her bandaged neck made her jump and pull away from his touch. She finished putting a band aid on her finger and made to move out of the bathroom, but Peeta blocked her way and refused to let her pass. Katniss wasn't ready to face him, but after a moment looked up at him angrily. She was surprised to find that he looked angry right back, but more than angry, his features were blank and hard, also his eyes still portrayed complete rage.

When seeing these things in Peeta, Katniss' anger melted away. She had no right to be angry. she was the one who had caused all of this pain. she sighed and hung her head. When she looked back up at him he had not moved, but continued to stare at her with his rage. She raised her hand to place on his arm, but he shook his head; a small gesture, but enough to let Katniss know she shouldn't touch him.

"If you are not going to let me pass, you at least need to say something." Katniss said in an even tone. With no change of emotion Peeta retreated several steps back into the hallway. Now that she was free to escape the bathroom, Katniss wasn't sure any more what she should do next. However, she couldn't stand there so she continued into the living room. Even though she had cleaned up everything, the room still felt soiled. Looking up at the wall Katniss realized it was already past six and wondered how her day, that had started out so well, end so horribly.

Just as she was about to move to the kitchen to start dinner, Peeta entered the room with that same stony expression and for the first time Katniss wondered if he was truly himself.

"P-Peeta?" she stood in front of him and found herself truly scared once again. At the tone of her voice, Peeta's features softened a small degree.

"We need to talk about his, Katniss." the same rage still visible in his eyes.

"I don't want to talk about his, Peeta. Don't you understand?" and she didn't want to talk. Not about this, not when her spoken words came out nothing like she wanted them to, this was too important.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Throughout their marriage they had always been open and very honest with each other. It appeared first in their therapy in those first years after the war. It was an aspect of their relationship they kept and honored. They would both cave and give into getting everything that was bothering them out in the open. Never before have they walked out of the house for hours, refused to at least try and express what they were thinking, and least of all they never stood in an intense staring contest wondering if they were going to be okay when they had a marital problems.

_Ding...ding...dingggg... _ the clock on the wall chimed, letting them know it had just hit seven. It was early still, but Katniss felt as if it might as well be midnight. She wanted to walk up to Peeta and hug him, but did not know if she was still standing in the no touching corner. She could feel everything she wanted to say to him to make everything better again, but when she opened her mouth all that was produced was a yawn. Angry at herself for this unnecessary situation, she moved around Peeta and headed for the stairs.

"So, that's it then?" Peeta asked incredulously turning around to catch her eye as she set foot on the bottom step.

She wanted to tell him that, no, that was not it, that she loved him and wanted to try and explain that she didn't mean for the comment about the kids to sound the way it did and that she loved him.

"Yes, Peeta. That's it." _Curse you Katniss, _she thought.

Katniss continued up the stairs leaving Peeta standing in the living room beginning to believe that this was the start to the end. Katniss made it to the bedroom only caring enough to strip her outer clothes before curling up under the covers. Sleep didn't come. Peeta didn't know this, but ever since they were married Katniss hadn't been able to fall asleep if Peeta wasn't in the bed with her in the early, sunless hours of the morning. Peeta had not come into the room and Katniss fell into an exhausted sleep.

Places came and went, people running, screaming, crying. Things fell, blew up, dirt everywhere. It was all very clear and blurred together at the same time. It continued. She was tormented, tortured and then healed to start the process over again. Blood and more screaming. _Thunk!_

Katniss awoke with a jolt. _Thunk, thunk. _ A branch repeatedly bashed the window due to the sheer force of the wind. Groggily she turned over to find the comfort of Peeta's sleeping form, but no such pleasure greeted her tired eyes. She turned to the bedside digital clock and with a groan let her head fall to the pillow, burring her face deep into the fluffiness. It was only 4:30. She had only been asleep for three hours. She still could see the images from her dream and sat up trying to shake the disturbances.

The bed held no comfort for her so she stood and walked over to the window. The darkness of the night felt as if could swallow her and the caress of the moon's light felt of invitation. Unable to hold out, wanting to be out of the room, Katniss quickly readied herself for the woods. If was only an hour before she would normally head out by the time she finally descended the stairs. As she sat to put on her boots, she looked over at the couch and found Peeta stretched out sleeping soundly. Well, he was as stretched as the couch would allow him. One foot was hanging off the end and it looked as if he was squished into himself to stay on. They really needed to get a new couch.

Many time throughout their marriage they had spats. Small and large, but all the same one had never kicked the other to be some where else. Peeta, no matter how mad he had been with her never sought a different place to sleep and she the same. Watching him now, crunched and looking mighty uncomfortable on their small living room couch all she wanted to do was curl up on top of him or better yet wake him up, take him to the bedroom and curl up with him there. With her boots in place she softly walked up next to him. Kneeling down she slowly swiped his cheek with the back of her hand. He stirred but didn't wake. She still wasn't sure what she should say to him, so waking him was not a good idea.

She softly laid her hand flat over his heart. She took a deep refreshing breath and closed her eyes feeling the beat of Peeta's heart sweep comfort through her. She has missed laying her head on his chest last night and falling into a safe sleep. The even tempo lulled her into that safe place as she knelt beside him, but when his hand securely covered hers, she jumped and brought her sight to their linked hands. She looked to his face but found they were still closed and he was still breathing evenly. He was still asleep. Katniss smiled to herself. She relished the contact for a few more minutes, but soon freed her hand wanting to reach the woods before daylight marked the day. Besides he would be waking soon to start his day at the bakery.

Katniss rose, slung her full quiver over her back along with her bow and headed out for the woods. There was no need to keep hiding them within the woods and she found that she felt quite comfortable keeping them in the house. They provided her a different kind of comfort than Peeta did. She trusted Peeta with her life and knew that if it ever came to it he could protect them both, not that he would have to do it alone, but the bow and arrows assured her that they would have more protection then just their own persons.

She made it to the woods in record time. When she stepped into the foliage her dreams, the problems with her marriage, and the sadness that had been growing all morning melted away and she was able to disappear into the green as only a hunter and with goal. She ran with the rhythm of the wind through the trees and the sway of the grass. With each step, each foot further into the woods she felt that she could breathe easier. She stopped only when she reached her first trap and then began her work.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Three out of her five traps had caught small woodland creatures that Katniss was able to store in her game bag. It rested at the base of a nearby tree. Katniss crouched three yards away lining up her target. In the shadows provided by the leafy roof she waited, poised to strike. Uhhh... hmmmm... uhhh... hmmm... she breathed deeply. SWiosh! One. Two. Three... five, blast. Six... Katniss grumbled, standing from her kneeling position and squinted up into the leaves where her arrow had found it's home.

It was an exercise she had started when she first started going hunting again after the war. At first, she only continued to hunt because that was what she was used to. She hunted. The first couple of times were really hard. The area, although familiar gave her unwanted flashbacks to her first games. At first, she was afraid that the games had taken something so precious as this away from her, but after time the woods became a part of her once more.

As the years passed and she grew closer to Peeta she no longer needed the woods as she once did. She went to find food for her family and help those she could around the district, but after the war everything changed. She had to learn to adjust her thinking for her reasons for going into the woods. She no longer went to find sustenance, or to meet her friend. She now went because she enjoyed the solitude, the peace and the strength she could find within the depths of the green. This was her ocean and the trees her waves, the grass her boat and her bow her anchor.

This exercise wasn't about killing it was purely about sharpening her shooting skills. She did so by finding an angle and then lined up her arrow to a pattern of leaves. She watched them until she found the perfect line, each leaf in the row lining up perfectly every time. She waited to find the rhythm and then released. She hadn't made a perfect shot once, but maybe that's why she continued the exercise or maybe she continued to learn that she may never pierce each of them no matter how much she believed her rhythm matched.

With the canopy cover allowing different amounts of light to radiate through the trunks at all times Katniss found it hard to keep up with the time. She knew it had to be getting late and she most likely had been out here longer than she should have. Peeta usually liked to get home early on days like this so they could spend most of their day together, but with their conversation not ending well last night she wasn't sure Peeta would want to be home around her at all. She sat next to her game bag keeping it company taking small gulps from her canteen. She felt tense and still on alert, so she leaned back against the tree trying to wind down so she could walk home. She whistled her favorite tune and listened as the mockingjays sang her her own private concert.

Katniss jolted awake disoriented and cold. For a terrifying moment she thought she was back in the games. The elites could be closing in. Why did she leave herself vulnerable by sitting on the ground? She had to move, had to get away from this location and get somewhere high. Where was her backpack? She wildly looked about her and instead of her backpack she had picked up in the arena she found her game bag instead and the bow she had made herself instead of the cold metallic, lifeless one she had used in the games.

It wasn't long before the haziness of sleep completely wore off and Katniss fully took in that she had fallen asleep out in the open. Many, many years she had been coming out here to help provide food for her family and to help out the district, but never, in all those years had she ever fallen asleep out here. She always needed to get back home and take care of Prim.

It was already late when she had sat down to rest, but how long had she been asleep? She was already pushing her time when she stayed well into the afternoon. This, she didn't like this. Normally, she would want to get through her routine and get back to the house. In the years since marrying Peeta, Katniss found herself becoming more and more domestic. she loved to be the keeper of their home and since she didn't have an everyday job like Peeta has the bakery it gave her something more productive to do rather than just spend all her time in the woods.

She loved to come home, but most of all she loved to be home when Peeta got done for the day; there to greet him and let him know that he was coming home with no problems or worries. Gathering her wits she treaded back to the house at a slow run. When she reached the house many of the downstairs' lights were on. Good! Katniss breathed a sigh of relief. With the cloud cover it had been hard to calculate how late it was precisely.

Katniss let herself into the house and looked around for Peeta. He wasn't in the immediate vicinity so she shrugged figuring he was upstairs having a shower. Katniss relaxed i only the way being home could relax her. She took care in putting away her weapon and walked into the kitchen to prepare her catch. It was too late to make dinner out of these creatures, but she was hoping Peeta had gone ahead a made something. She was starving!

"Katniss?"

Katniss jumped making the bag thump horribly against the counter. She turned around and found Peeta sitting on the other side of the table. He had been so still since she walked into the room that she hadn't noticed him until he spoke. Once her pulse was under control she was able to really look at him. His expression made her doubt everything. She wasn't even quite sure what she was doubting. She felt more like a young child getting scolded for a wrong doing than she did a grown, married woman whom was starring at her husband.


End file.
